Father Day was supposed to be a special day that my family would celebrate me but when my daughter revealed to me a secret that would have broken my heart into small pieces and then revelled of a truth that would leave me with no other choice, I discovered a truth.
Before you can know heartbreak, you have to see it arrive in sneakers and crayon drawing in hand. And hopefully that is how it began with me the disintegration of my long time marriage all due to the words of a child.
The name of my five-year-old daughter is Lily. She is my world, snappy, witty, so full of wonder! The type of child who believes that the moon comes home with us because it feels lonely and because we keep him safe. She is a child who will take a half an hour to explain why clouds are actually marshmallows that ran away at a picnic.
It makes me feel like a hero just by saying to open the peanut butter jar to Lily. Nor do I feel more proud of my position as her father.
Lily was born shortly after the wedding of my wife, Jessica and myself. This was an unexpected surprise, one of those when you think you are being joked with and it consumes you with tears of joy. We did not have expectations to become parents soon enough, and we were. Or I believe we were.
We dug root in a small Midwestern town where porch-wavers have not become extinct. I am a demotic electrician, 40 years old, experienced, and not gaudy; Jess operates a photography gallery in a cabin at our garage.
She shot weddings and portraits previously but ever since the arrival of Lily she is taking less clients. Said that she wished she could be at home more. I envied that.
I am there and involved in the life of my kids unlike the majority of dads. Therefore, when examining the situation, I transported Lily last week during preschool hours. It was an everyday day.
She got in the back seat, where she smelled of finger paint and raisins. Just as we were pulling into our driveway, she sat forward in the booster seat she was in wielding a crayon and uttered words that made my blood turn to ice.
Daddy, can we ask my real daddy to have dinner with us on Father day?
I slipped the foot on the brake! we jerked to a halt.
Your… the real one who is a dad? I questioned, avoiding to speak too loudly, to tremble.
She nodded and her curls bounced.
“Yeah! He visits you during the day when you are at work,” she told her.
In the process of my cluelessly trying to figure out what she was talking about as well as being in denial about it, I had turned my back to face her and answered her, “Well, you might have gotten something confused over there, honey.”
Uh uh,” said she, shaking her curls this side and that. The fellow visits me and carries me tasty stuff like chocolate and we have our tea party. Mommy gives him dinner now and again and you know him. He said that he is my daddy.”
I gulped down to swallow the lump that was in my throat, and my hands gripped the steering wheel as though I were grasping the world at bay. I lost my breath in a shred. I remember him?” I reflected, although I did not wish to make any scene in case my Lily was playing word-pictures of her own.
Well I hit upon an idea.
Wow, I thought, I had not thought of this. oh, that is a surprise. Well, hey, darlin, baby, wanna play a game? On Sunday invite him to dinner. But hush tell Mommy. And not say to him I shall be at home. It will be nice, it will be our little secret.”
The eyes of my baby literally sparkled! Games are the greatest love of Lily.
“A game?”
“Yep. But you see it must be a secret, no mustn? t tell Mommy, shall we?” I gave her a reminder.
She was thrilled as if I were to give her a pony.
“Okay! I adore games!”
I was smiling and leaned forward to give her a head kiss but inwardly I was falling apart.The day of Sunday could not have come earlier.
I was dying of nerves wondering whether to confront Jess or tell Lily to simply tell me who the person was. When my little girl would get too sucked in this mess, though, I did not want that.
And I was afraid what would happen in case my wife had a hint. Jess told me that she needed to do an engagement shoot at the lake sometime around one in the afternoon.
I said to her (why on a Sunday, of all Sundays, Father?s Day to top it off) and she replied under her breath it is because the couple were not available at all and that she has promised them weeks ago.
I nodded, told her I would hold down the fort and then I could feel the indelible quality of her lie thinning the air between us like a fog.
As she was busy with her equipment in the morning I started working. Pan cakes in the morning. An excursion into the park. Lily had the choice of the center piece to the dinner at the grocery store which was a crooked bunch of sun flowers. When we returned to home, Jess disappeared.
I informed my wife that Lily and I would spend the entire day out of the house doing something special just to make the holiday a bit more special. But I told her that I would call the babysitter and leave Lily with her and I would go out to visit my parents.
She did not expect me back till long later.
I cooked and allowed Lily to assist in making the table. I prepared a three course meal consisting of chicken cordon bleu and roasted carrots and mashed potatoes flavored with garlic. I filled wine. I burnt candles.
and at six-thirty-seven a knock was heard.
I drew a deep breath, opened my door and almost dropped the serving tray!
Adam.
Such was my so-called best friend starting college. He was my best man, my fishing mate and an uncle to my daughter Adam.
He came in a button down shirt and khakis as though he was on his way to brunch. and there, in straight in my eye, he flinched.
Hey….. bro. Yo, I did not expect you to be home. How–how–what a surprise!”
Behind him Jess was coming up the path. She ran half a step, with a gap of the mouth in horror.
“Danny?!” she said. What are you–?”
I opened the door a little further with a smile which I had to grit to my teeth.
You come in and have a seat, kiddo! My excellent friend! And we were just on the point of having a meal.”
He turned pale to the fainthest degree. Jess had the appearance of collapsing. I moved out of the way as a game-show host would point to the table.
“Dinner’s hot. Do not want to see it go stale.”
They came behind me.
Lily was sitting at the table already, kicking her legs under the chair, more excited than ever at what she termed the greatest surprise of all times.
I had said to him it was tons of fun! she cheeped, helping the potatoes out of the dish and on to her plate, as though it were Christmas time.
Adam sank on a seat, visibly perspiring. returning to her chair Jess evaded my glance. I filled all the glasses with wine and poured the wine in Adam up to the brim.
So, I said, sitting opposite to him. It is long since. Haven been busy?”
Yeah, he said roughly. It was wild at work.”
Idling just my wine, I nodded.
“Sure. Not so busy to come round, is she?
He stiffened. Jess seemed willing to disappear.
What does that imply? Adam asked.
“Oh, nothing. Have just heard you were round. Brought chocolates. Took some dinners. Had a bonding.”I was too quick, Jess leaped in.
He used to visit only once or twice. Lily is fond of visitors. I know the way she is.”
Only one and two times? and I inquired, looking Adam full in the face.
He gumbled, “Ah, twice, perhaps–three times.” It was not a big thing.
I nodded and knocked my glass.
“Right, right. No such thing. It was just another guy who came by to visit his daughter.”
The atmosphere had got denser. The fork stopped half way to Jesss mouth. Adam dropped his wine with trembling hand.
What are you talking about? w-What are you talking about? Jess whispered.To Lily I turned.
Hey, darling, who is Adam?
She giggled.
He is my daddy!”
It was made dead silent.
Then Jess gave a sound of strangling. Adam went pale!we would tell you so, he said. “Eventually.”
It was not the feeling you could say the time was right, Jess added, at the edge of audibility.
I sat back composedly, too composedly well.
What should have been the right time? I asked. Having taught her how to ride a bike? Once the bedtime stories and the nightmares are through? Or perhaps during her next birthday party, at which you both would toasted to her family?”
None replied.Adam was on his feet with his palms up as though pleading.
Coo, coo, cooo, I only wanted to be able to be with her, man.
On behalf of your daughter? I asked. “Interesting. The child I have been rearing through five years? My name? The one who has it? My eyes? My routines?”
Jess, after a moment, with tears beginning to come, said that she did not want to spoil everything. I felt frightened. You loved her and I did not know how to take that away.”
You did, you did, I said. It just was you that did not tell it.
I rose and put back my chair. I could feel my heart beating very loud inside my chest, though I managed to keep my voice steady.
Time is ten minutes. Take your jumpers. Off my lot.”
Jess gasped.
You can not just-
“I can. And I am.
The lips of Lily trembled.
“Daddy?”
I dropped on my knees before her and clasped her hands.Young girl, hear me. I do love you. I so am not. I will be with you no matter what.”
She nodded slowly, and crawled in my arms.
“Okay.”
I had kissed her off and turned to Adam and Jessica.
I said so. Ten minutes.”
and they went away in silent wonder. Something about being sorry was mumbled by Adam. Jessica averted me no end. I did not see them go away. I simply kept Lily.
The following day I filed a divorce suit.
Jessica did not object. No words could be said.
Adam was attempting to call, text, and email. I stopped him all over.
The pregnancy test began a couple of days later, yet the thing is I do not care about its outcome. The fact of her being biologically mine or not does not make a difference. She is my daughter. I have reared her, I have felt the girl through fevers, I have led out the girl to dance in the kitchen. I have dried her tears, her nose, her face. She’s mine.
Lily went to bed with me crawling last night.
“Daddy?” she whispered.
“Yeah, baby?”
I do not want to be playing that game anymore.
I drew her narrowly.“Me neither. Sorry, baby, you do have to, no more.”
So she looked up at me with rounded eyes, and said frankly:
Do you still love me Daddy?
I was not undecided.
It is something I have always been. Always I shall be.”
She nodded and leant her head on my chest.
That was enough to her.In case you liked that tale then this one of a kind should be your alley as well. one night when a couple quarreled, Julia spurted out things that her husband was not an actual parent of their teenager. That confession even led the family to a crazy ride of DNA tests, crying and all the lies!
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